My kids say this to me and my wife all the time: "I'm aware." It used to bug me. It felt dismissive. But now I get it. I'm aware means I'm paying attention. It doesn't mean I'm on top of everything. I'm trying to take that awareness and curiosity deeper. Reading more widely and thoughtfully. Working on improving habits and virtues. Seeking to understand others instead of labeling and rushing to judgment. Subscribe if you're ready to become more aware, too.
On friendship and inclusion
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I’m teased by my wife and kids about the old friendship I have with two men: Jim Bradford and Bruce Roach. The friendships date back to about 1982. To this day, we still quote Chevy Chase movies. We still sling our faux sports broadcaster voices around in contexts that make no sense. We still build favorite-song playlists with different themes. We communicate several times each week. I asked them for their thoughts on friendship recently for a talk I had to give on the subject. This is what Jim wrote to me. You can’t pick when people like you and Bruce come along in life, but you have to be aware when it does. A friendship can’t be superficial or forced. It has to be organic and mutual. When you find a good one, hang on to them.
Sometimes it’s pure timing. Sometimes it’s a person that you go through a tough time with or a shared experience with, that fosters a deeper relationship.
I’ve told my kids on more than one occasion, “Find your Brandon.”
Find the person you can count on.
Find the person you have more than one thing in common with.
Find the person who listens to you.
Find the person who wants to see you succeed.
Find the person who will be there for the good times and the bad times.
Find the person who will meet you halfway so you aren’t doing all the work.
Find the person you can be yourself around.
Find the person you can laugh with, cry with, or who makes you laugh until you cry.
Find the person you can be completely honest with.
Finally, find the person you can quote Fletch, Three Amigos, and Planes, Trains and Automobiles with.
Or maybe it’s just find that person who can throw the football around with you to take your mind off of life for a little while.
There’s some context to that last one. Jim was there for me when we were 14 years old in 1985. The day my dad was buried. I couldn’t bear to attend his funeral; the wake was so deeply painful. Jim came to spend time with me, football in hand. *** Speaking more cheerfully about laughing until you cry, Bruce and I still tell the tale of Amy Juneau’s Wedding and the Guy with the Art Garfunkel Hair. Proof that a bond had been forged? Not a word was spoken when this unknown guest walks in to Amy's wedding. We read each other’s minds when we saw him and his hair and then turned to look at each other. No words needed. Art Garfunkel. Dead ringer. The laughter wouldn’t stop then. And continues on years. Instead of worrying about us fitting in, what if we made sure others never felt left out? What if we made sure everyone was invited? Everyone included. What would that do for them and for us? One extra phone call or text message is all it takes to send the invite. Hopefully you have friends like this. If you don’t, go be one. My friend Bruce wrote me exactly that: To have a friend, you’ve got to be a friend. I can recall times when my kids would complain about a friendship, or the lack of one, and I would ask them what kind of friend they had been to the person in question. Many times that would lead to a realization that the friendship they were complaining about was a reflection of the effort they put into it — which was very little or none. When they changed that mindset, things changed for them. From their earliest years, we teach children the kind of person they should be. It always includes being a good friend. As the years go by and the world's demands catch up to us, we forget this. We let gaps of time go by. We circle the wagons and form cliques that are too tight. We exclude. Who needs more from you right now...this weekend? Who needs a call, text, or invitation? Who needs to know that they've had a huge impact on you in your life? One of your friends may be struggling and it would mean the world if you reached out. |
I'm Aware
My kids say this to me and my wife all the time: "I'm aware." It used to bug me. It felt dismissive. But now I get it. I'm aware means I'm paying attention. It doesn't mean I'm on top of everything. I'm trying to take that awareness and curiosity deeper. Reading more widely and thoughtfully. Working on improving habits and virtues. Seeking to understand others instead of labeling and rushing to judgment. Subscribe if you're ready to become more aware, too.