For 29 years I've been consciously studying how I and my teams communicate to persuade other people. I'm fascinated with how we all do this.

We've sold physical products, consulting services, technology, organizational philosophies, business growth ideas, leadership approaches. You name it.

The one advice to someone wanting to persuade or train others is not what you think. It’s not about rushing to craft the perfect message or an incredible offer or build your outline for influence and persuasion.

It would be this:

Know your audience. The world is already filled and overflowing with communicators who believe in one-way communication. Salespeople too zealous to convince you to buy with emotion. Politicians too eager to paint the other side as evil. Athletes, CEOs, and celebrities too obsessed with “controlling their brand."

The result?

Publicists publishing carefully-worded statements. Lawyers and politicians crafting carefully- written releases and statements. Salespeople hoping to wear you down with their fast-talking.

No open Q&A sessions. No dialogues, only monologues.

The problem is that most of us don’t have that luxury. We have to connect with the people we hope to persuade.

We have barriers we have to break down if we're going to get our message across. We need to win people over as strangers before we can get them to take action in a way that benefits both of us.

The good news is we can stand out through our desire to listen to fully understand others.

This starts with genuine curiosity. But because I can’t teach you to be more curious in a simple email or blog post, let’s talk real-world tactics.

Here are two tips for improving your ability to understand someone more fully.

1. Ask why and how questions

One of the easiest ways to get a person to open up and elaborate more on their position is to simply ask them to elaborate.

Why do you feel that way?
Why is that?
How did you come to that conclusion?
Why do you think that is?

If you are selling a product, service, or idea — especially in-person — it’s crucial to first understand your customer’s needs and wants.

The most powerful first step to connect with and influence others is by showing you understand what's on their mind — their needs, wants, fears, hopes, and dreams. That is best done through real-world conversations.

Your questions don’t even need to start with the word "why." You can instead simply ask “Can you elaborate on that more?” or “What do you mean by that?”

1. Think out loud

When you’ve asked how someone how they feel about a subject, you may hear a strong opinion that you know is controversial. Asking a think-out-loud question is a safe way to get the person to think more deeply about their stance.

Thinking-out-loud questions sound like rhetorical questions. But the key is to ask them and let the question just sort of linger in the air.

I wonder how things would go if everyone in the world felt that way?
If we could fast-forward five years from now, I wonder if you’d feel the same?
I've thought the same thing before, but I wonder if it's realistic?
If you were a _______________ I wonder if you’d have the same viewpoint?

I love these questions. They are highly effective.

Now, they can’t be loaded with sarcasm, or negativity, and they can't be trick questions with only one answer. Their purpose is to see how deeply-held or deeply-researched the other person’s conviction is.

Try these two tactics out. I think you'll find they help you develop more curiosity and even empathy for others. Remember, the first step towards influencing others is to fully understand them first on as deep a level as you can get.

‘Til next time…

Brandon

Thank you for reading Worth Your Attention. Would you forward this with a friend or loved one? To a more well-rounded you!

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